[And there is the thought, voiced, and Beckett takes a long time before he finds the next one. The concept of God as, essentially, just one more supernatural player on the stage is one he's familiar with. Others in Norfinbury seem to have similar mythologies and metaphysics. But this is not what he'd been speaking of, with Enoch. And it is not what the other man seemed to be speaking of. To have the idea placed in front of him again suddenly - that God is limited, fallible, may Himself lack answers - is wrenching.
They've all said it. House has taunted him with it. Shiro has said it. Haurchefant seemed ready to believe it. Caine himself had left the idea there to eat away at him. Even Anatole had wondered, in their darkest hours. And he had kept searching, because he had always been the doubter, even when what it really meant was belief...]
This is not what I want, [he rasps, and hears his own words with perfect clarity for the child's helpless tantrum that they are. Raging at cosmic unfairness. What you want has never existed.] I wanted answers, damnit, I wanted truth, I wanted grace -
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They've all said it. House has taunted him with it. Shiro has said it. Haurchefant seemed ready to believe it. Caine himself had left the idea there to eat away at him. Even Anatole had wondered, in their darkest hours. And he had kept searching, because he had always been the doubter, even when what it really meant was belief...]
This is not what I want, [he rasps, and hears his own words with perfect clarity for the child's helpless tantrum that they are. Raging at cosmic unfairness. What you want has never existed.] I wanted answers, damnit, I wanted truth, I wanted grace -